Many people are able to get into relationships. And many are able to attract partners who are suitable for them, physically and mentally.
But for many people, their relationships do not last much more than 3 months! This is a shocking truth of the dating world. Why does this happen? Why can’t we make it last?
I’ll give you three reasons:
1. Treating a Relationship as a Transaction
You cannot be calculative when it comes to love. Counting who did what for whom leads to the death of generosity. Theoretically speaking, there’s a hidden universal law guiding human relations, which is, “If you stop giving, you stop getting.” And if that’s the way the law is, then we must not stop giving or else the relationship will die. So, if you are calculative, you will count to a point where you will say, “Yep, that’s enough. I’ve given my fair share. Now it’s your turn.” But your partner may not feel it’s their turn yet. So, don’t calculate. Keep giving generously and you partner will return your love when the time is right.
2. Not Being Patient or Sensitive Enough
Relationships are delicate because human emotions are delicate. You can bring the strongest relationship to its knees with a single quarrel. You don’t even need to do it in person; over the telephone will do. You can end a good relationship with words that hurt, no meeting needed. So, if you treasure your relationship, never blow your top. Your partner deserves your best behavior. And the more love you invest in them, the more they will love you for it.
3. Idealistic Demands
Some people are more idealistic than others. They have a vision in their minds of how they want their ideal partner to be – and they will not compromise. Usually in life, the partners we end up with do not meet our original criteria. Maybe she doesn’t have the perfect figure or maybe he’s not exactly Prince Charming. But in the end, we still choose this person. Why so? It’s because our criteria have changed. By living long enough, you see different kinds of people. And you will start editing your criteria of what you want in a partner, circling those qualities which are important, and mentally scratching out those which are not.
So, if a person has a list of rigid, uncompromising qualities that they follow to the dot, they might just kick out the partner that was right for them.
If it were so easy to make a relationship last, our divorce rates would be lower. Even if people do not fall into the three traps listed above, there are other problems such as the possibility of meeting someone more attractive (high chance). What should you do in such a case? Here’s a principle to guide you:
“A great love relationship is not something you find, but something you build and commit yourself to.”
There are tons of beautiful people in the world and many who are physically more attractive than your partner. To some people, the grass is always greener on the other side. So, what do they do? They hop over to the neighbor’s lawn! But then the lawn doesn’t seem so green anymore because they see the weeds of the person’s personality.
But it looks like there’s a greener lawn next door, so they hop again! They do their partner hopping, dating and exchanging in search of the greenest lawn, but they’ll never find it because a beautiful relationship, like a beautiful garden, must be tended to and cared for. You can have ‘happily forever after’ with the partner you choose, but you must commit yourself to it.
Without commitment, nothing lasts!
To sustain love, two people have to choose each other. If either partner defaults or is unsure, the whole relationship falls apart. It doesn’t matter how much you love the other person, if they do not return your love. This reminds me of those Chinese drama serials where they are fond of saying, “Ai Qing Shi Bu Neng Mian Qiang De” – translated it means ‘you can’t force love’. And this will be the time when the male suitor will grip his head and cry, “Why! Why?!!” Then he has no alternative, but to drown his sorrows in drink, and maybe get knocked down by a truck. Then the girl will visit him in hospital, where with his dying breath he whispers his last words of undying love… then he dies.
An Uncommitted Partner
Sometimes you might find that although you are ready to commit, your partner doesn’t want to settle. They may be on the lookout for the ideal person who can fulfill their whims and fantasies… some idealistic vision of what a lover should be. Many people believe that they can hold on to their partner and make them stay.
But this isn’t true. If your partner wants to go, they will. A lover is not an inanimate object – you can’t ‘hold on’ to them – they are human beings with free will and dreams and ideals of their own. What you can do is realize that each person seeks their own happiness. Sometimes it may be with you, at other times it may not. And if you still care for this person, the best you can do is allow them to follow their dreams. Gracefully step aside and wish them well. The right partner will come along for you one day.
Good luck and may you build the love life of your dreams.
